it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
