I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize