ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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