my room smells like sperm. sweet.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
