you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
