Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
