i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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