I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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