Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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