We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
operation have a gay friend backfired
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
