dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
you made out with another girl for some wings
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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