in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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