oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
