No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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