im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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