I looked at my own cervix.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
