just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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