If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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