Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
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