So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
