I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
