How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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