i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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