Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
