i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
