dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
