Grow some girl-balls and come out already
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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