sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
