Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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