I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
wow bdsm is so cute
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
