I wannas sexs uuuuu
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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