I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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