Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
