yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
