Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
