She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
