There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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