so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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