Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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