We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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