just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
