so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
