what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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