well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize