I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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