how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
