You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
But break dance skills will only take you so far
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
