She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
