What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
