Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
