Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
