This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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