Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We had sex on a dog bed..
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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