guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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