Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
