hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
