I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
