Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize