I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
