I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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