Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
