Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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