somebody snuck up and got me drunk
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
