john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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