I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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