Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
