my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize