between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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