I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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