we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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