Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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