guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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