you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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